Time hurries on. I've had near panic attacks about whether or not i really am supposed to go to Jerusalem fall semester. I intended to go Winter semester, but the first time I voiced this decision the words caught in my throat. I felt the spirit communicate to me its increasingly familiar clarion call to go the other way. I'm getting used to it. Really. Oh, but it's just so much harder this time.
Winter semester is far more logical--and would provide more opportunities than Fall semester. If I go Winter I can earn enough to more than pay for the center, as well as resume my job when I got back. If I go Fall I'll come home with debt, no money to pay for Winter semester, and no way of earning any more cash. I don't have enough money to pay for Fall, even with gov. loans. AND I'VE BEEN WORKING MULTIPLE JOBS FOR A YEAR SO I COULD SAVE FOR THIS. I'm going to be a few thousand short. AND I'm missing my favorite holiday by leaving Fall. AND I was invited to Folk Dance Workshop, but I can't go, because I won't be here for Christmas Around the World. AND I can't audition for BYU choirs, OR Savior of the World. I'm losing tons of advantages, and gaining (foreseeably...) nothing.
I feel like I'm jumping off a cliff because somebody told me to. But not just any somebody. THE somebody. And I'm taking His word for it, so I suppose I should stop griping. Especially since I know I REALLY AM SUPPOSED TO GO FALL SEMESTER, and that there are good reasons for it, and that if I knew the reasons it would prove ineffective. So--- here I go, no questions asked... faith in every footstep... trying my hardest not to be afraid or hesitant. [Of course, if the reason I'm supposed to go is because the center will close after this, because I'm going to discover my destiny, save a life, meet my future spouse or something similar--- I'll be the first to swallow my pride and admit that fall semester was the best option after all.]
So in the meantime, pray that I somehow can earn enough money. Pray that I doubt not the word of God. Pray that I will not be afraid. Pray that I can save enough to cover the cost of this trip and still be able to buy the things I need to take with me. Pray that the city remains safe enough for American students, and most importantly---
pray that I can find some cheap jeans that fit!
3 comments:
Don't scare me like that!!!!!!! You're a GREAT writer and you had me convinced in that first couple paragraphs that you had talked yourself out of going Fall semester! Anyway, I'm SOOOO SOOOO excited for you!!!!!!!! AND you're birthday's coming up....what shall we do for it?!?!?!!?!?!
Oh, I don't know. I honestly have no idea. If we leave the options for the last minute, we should go ice skating. ... but if we have time to do something awesome I'd love to. I dunno what tho, Salt Lake? I think I'm taking off work.... and since you're not working, we should totally do something good!
You are so lucky to go - Carpe Diem. I went in 2000 and it was one of the best and most memorable things I ever did. Must haves = lots of hand sanitizer, pepto bismol, & tp. Take lots of photographs, keep a travel journal and soak up every moment. cheers.
Post a Comment